


I don't know if the sun rises or sets but I miss you

by Talltoasterstruttle



Series: nct stories UwU [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depressing, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad, Suicide, aftermath of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29386470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talltoasterstruttle/pseuds/Talltoasterstruttle
Summary: the aftermath of Jisungs suicide
Series: nct stories UwU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121387
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	I don't know if the sun rises or sets but I miss you

**Author's Note:**

> This is very triggering please do not read if you get triggered easily

Jisung, he was timid, too timid for his own good. Jisung was a very talented dancer, that even some older than him would marvel at how flawlessly he danced. His jokes were weird but never went overboard. He and Renjun could talk for hours about how the universe was made. He was beautiful. And now he’s gone. They didn’t care for him enough, they didn’t love him enough, and now he wilted. They had treated Shotaro and Sungchan with more respect than the one that had been there for them at the very beginning. Not to say Shotaro and Sungchan didn’t deserve it, they deserved just as much love as Jisung did. 

Jisung was fragile, and somehow they missed that. Maybe it wasn’t their fault, maybe it was the fact that he had always struggled with his mental health. He never had a good family life, that’s why he became a trainee, to escape it. Then the fans had sexualized him when he was still only fifteen, he felt uncomfortable to even go outside, he never felt safe, not with the fans screaming his name at midnight, not with his boss and managers making fun of him for having anxiety. He would have anxiety attacks, and they would just tell him to get a grip, to toughen up. But it was their fault for never standing up for him. 

And now, at twelve thirty-one am, he was pronounced dead, from suicide. Their precious maknae, their loveable baby, their annoying brother, was gone. All because they never noticed how hard he was struggling. How will they ever move on from this? It’s impossible, a task that they will never achieve. Because he was the light in the dark, he could guide them through this, if he was here, they reminded themselves. Nct wasn’t complete without Jisung. 

And through all this grief, they all handled it differently. 

Chenle was the closest to Jisung, they were best friends since they were young. They were inseparable, you could always find Chenle with Jisung and Jisung with chenle. They were soulmates, two halves of a whole. Nothing will be able to replace Jisung. His speech at the funeral was heartbreaking, it was a lengthy message to Jisung, apologizing over and over again, about how he wishes he could turn back time, but he can’t, and that’s what hurts the most. He never cried so hard, not once. Because Jisung was his life, and now, he’s left with a permanent scar in his heart, that even on his deathbed he will cry over. 

Sungchan, though he was fairly new to nct when Jisung had died, had grown quite close to him, and he fell through his grasp like sand. Jisung had made him comfortable with all the members, he had brightened his day, made him smile. He added on to the reasons he is glad he joined nct. And now, he left him, alone, death blew away the candlelight that was Jisung, leaving him alone in the dark, clueless. His speech was almost as heartbreaking as Chenle’s. His was based around the regret of not being able to help him when Jisung had helped him through the doubts that the fans would like him, but when Jisung was drawing in his own doubts, he had turned a blind eye to it. 

Jaemin was the second closest to Jisung, always caring for him, making sure he felt loved. But now, standing on the wet grassy land, he realized all the signs, he realized how Jisung didn’t push him away because he wanted to be an adult, he pushed him away so he wouldn’t see him struggle, and it worked. The one he swore he bore, the one he loved endlessly, was gone because he was more focused on work and didn’t spare a second glance at the one he loved the most. His speech, was fairly short, not because he didn’t have a lot to say, but because he didn’t know how to say it without breaking down into many pieces. Because he had missed the struggles of the one he swore to protect, and now he had to pay the price.

Though Yuta was nowhere near to being as close to him as the dreamies and taeyong. Was closer than the others. He loved Jisung, and he was fairly close to Jisung. So when he heard the news, he ran as fast as he could, he ran to the hospital, because not everyone could go in the vans, so they had to wait. And dreamies got to go first, which was fair, but he could sit there while Jisung was dying. He cried while he ran, he felt like passing out, and all he could think was it’s his fault for not being as close to Jisung as he could. It was his fault. His speech reflected his thoughts when that happened. Every time he spoke he felt worse than before because this meant that he had to accept his death, he had to accept that he was gone, he’d not be able to spoil him, secretly buy him presents that would make him light up like a firefly. He’d never see that adorable smile again. And it was all his fault.

Haechan though he swore on camera he was the sun, had never felt more like the moon. Now that he thinks about it, he always was the moon, and Jisung was the sun that would help him shine brightly. Jisung was his little brother, his sunshine, the ball of energy, and now, he was missing from his life. Jisung was the one who had helped him when he was told his dancing was horrible, Jisung was the one who helped him when he was at his lowest, was struggling so much so, that death was his only way out. His speech was short, not because he didn’t have a lot to say, but because he couldn’t say a lot, he had broken down crying mid-speech, he had written a lot, but he couldn’t give up the idea that this was just a cruel prank that Jisung was going to Jump up and yell surprise. But it never happened. 

Taeyong felt like he had failed his position as a leader, as a friend, as a Hyung, as a brother. He had never felt so much yet so little at the same time, it hurt. The Jisung that told him and the others that he wanted to be like Taeyong when he grew up, was now in a casket, at nineteen. The one he swore he would protect with his life, was now dead, and he wasn’t coming back. No, he was, he would wake up tomorrow, and hug Jisung so tightly and not let him go until Jisung was practically begging. But he wasn’t going to wake up from this nightmare, and that made him want to join Jisung, because how could he live without him. His speech was desperate; it was was desperation to believe that he would wake up tomorrow with Jisung in his arms because he couldn’t accept that he had failed this badly. He couldn’t accept it.

Jeno was numb, he couldn’t feel anything, he was barely living. In his eyes that used to hold the stars, now were empty. All he could do was cry, he could barely get up and dressed for the funeral, but he had to do this one last thing for Jisung. He felt like he had failed, he was mean to Jisung, though the more reasonable part of his brain was telling him that he was just teasing and that Jisung knew that he loved him. He just couldn’t help but blame himself. His speech was heartbreaking, all of theirs were, but his was the most. It was more of an apology, it was filled with hidden jabs at himself. Because he felt more lost than ever, without his dorky little brother.

Ten was the closest out of all the wayV members, to Jisung. He was his dance twin, his brother, his talented admirer, who would look up to him and smile at whatever he did. That beautiful smile, it’s gone, he wouldn’t be able to see it again. He knows that if he feels this bad, then he can’t even begin to imagine how the dreamies feel. But he can’t keep thinking about that, when the feeling of despair keeps lingering, he has to keep repeating to himself that it’s not his fault, because Jisung wouldn’t have wanted him to blame himself, yet he can’t help but give in, because he’s never felt more hopeless. His speech reflected the feeling of hopelessness. Most likely because that’s how he feels. Hopeless. He feels like he’s going through a never-ending dark tunnel, where he can’t see the light because his light was Jisung.

Renjun felt suicidal, he also has depression so his already depressing thoughts were now only darker because the same Jisung who he would cuddle up to when he was feeling horrible, was the same Jisung who had killed himself. And it hurt knowing that he could’ve helped him if he was paying attention to him. He felt selfish because Jisung had always helped him, and yet he never gave anything back. And now he’s gone. His speech was more like a poem, Jisung had always loved poems. Maybe that’s why he wrote it like that, because of Jisung. But either way, it was reflecting his guilt his ridges to join him in the warm blanket of death, though he knew that that would only make things worse. 

Mark was still in a state of shock, he was crying nonstop, and he barely recognized his name when it was called for a speech. He felt resentment, not towards Jisung, but towards SM, for taking away the time he had with Jisung, he felt horrible, and he still couldn’t believe that the one he watched grow since he was twelve, now was gone, it had happened right before his eyes, and it never hurt so bad. His speech was reflecting his shocked state, it was short because when he had written it he was in denial, he didn’t want to believe that Jisung was gone forever, he couldn’t believe that he was snatched away from him so soon. Watching his speech was watching him break because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t wake up from this nightmare.

When they all drove home from the funeral, the car was filled with sobs, nobody wanted to let go, nobody could let go of their precious maknae. 

it‘s been years since he died, they’ve already disbanded at this point. Yet every time anybody mentions Jisung, they break out into sobs, they will never get over him, never.


End file.
